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Post by Keifer Brently on Jul 12, 2006 17:31:04 GMT
It was the regular Hogsmeade trip and Keifer had decided to join and head down.
He had been thinking these last few days about things he had said to Grace. He wanted to apologize to her, she didnt deserve to be spoken to the way she was.
He stopped outside the three broomsticks and peered through the window but he couldnt see her. He headed further into the small village, past Zonko's and the sweet shop. She wasnt anywhere to be found.
Giving up he sat down on a wall with a chocolate ice cream. He watched as people went by, none of which were Grace. All the better probably, he wouldnt know what to say to her. He just hoped she wouldnt hate him much. He knew, by rights, she had the right to hate him and he wouldnt blame her if she did.
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Post by Prof Grace Marks on Jul 12, 2006 21:22:57 GMT
Grace had been in her bed since the last time she had seen Keifer. Her head ached, her eyes hurt and her hair was unkempt. She decided she needed chocolate. Chocolate always made her feel better. She had dressed and brushed her teeth and slipped out of the common room.
She ambled towards Hogsmeade and headed down the busy street. Grace wiped her cheeks, making sure they were dry so no one would stop her and ask her what was wrong. She wouldn't know how to answer the question. She walked near a wall avoiding a group of students she recognized and tripped over something. She fell to her hands and knees. She stayed there and breathed trying to keep back her tears...
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Post by Keifer Brently on Jul 12, 2006 21:31:17 GMT
Keifer was looking the opposite direction when Grace fell over. Turning when he heard a small 'thud' he saw Grace on the floor. Keifer slowly slid off the wall and knelt beside her, he took her arm and helped her up before turning and sitting on the wall.
He had been looking for her to tell her he was sorry, to tell her everything. Now she was here, he didnt know what to do. There was so many thing's he wanted to say to her, tell her and share with her. But now, looking at her, seeing her fight to hold back tears. He wasnt sure he had the right to say anything to her.
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Post by Prof Grace Marks on Jul 12, 2006 21:44:56 GMT
Grace gasped as a hand helped her up. She pulled away from the help, her pride spilling from her eyes. "I don't need he-" she looked at her helper and he stole her breath away. She didn't want to see him, she didn't want him to she her like this, not like this. She took sharp gasps of air and could stand it no longer. She through her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. "I'm - I'm sorry, Keifer, I'm so sorry," she sobbed into his neck.
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Post by Keifer Brently on Jul 12, 2006 21:57:23 GMT
Keifer held her in his arms, hugging her back like he was scared he'd lose her all over again. "Its not you who should be sorry Princess... Its me" he said, he buried his head deep into her shoulder. "I..." he began. He didnt even know how to tell her. He wanted to tell her everything, everything that was on his mind, his deepest thoughts... Even what was on his heart but he couldnt find the words. He didnt want to lose Grace, but he knew, if he wasnt careful. He would do.
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Post by Prof Grace Marks on Jul 12, 2006 22:03:52 GMT
Grace wiped her cheek and sniffed, resting hers on his shoulder. "I don't know what happened the otherday, it just got away from me and then what's his showed up and I lost control and..." she couldn't finish because she didn't know what happened. She was breathing rapidly and hugged him tighter, it was the first certain thing her body and mind had done in the longest time. In his arms, she was secure.
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Post by Keifer Brently on Jul 12, 2006 22:06:00 GMT
Keifer felt a tear fall from his eyes. He had come so close to losing his closest friend. He hugged her tight. "...It was my fault..." he said. "Theres things i want to tell you... things i need to say... i just cant find the words" he told her. He kept hold of her, not wanting to let go. Grace was his dearest friend, the one closest to his heart.
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Post by Prof Grace Marks on Jul 12, 2006 22:12:01 GMT
Grace sniffed again and turned her head to lay the other cheek on his shoulder. She breathed in his neck, "I don't see why you would have to say anything, coz I'm the one who hurt you. I didn't mean to!" She sniffed and hugged him even tighter, though she couldn't really hug him any tighter.
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Post by Keifer Brently on Jul 12, 2006 22:17:13 GMT
Keifer kept hold of Grace in his arms. "You were joking... I took it personal. I shouldnt have" he told her. "It's just... things that have been going on... and things that has happened in the past... its all coming back.. its confusing me... the way im feeling... i dont know.." He wanted to just tell her everything. But for some reason, everytime he came near to.. his throat tightened and the words would no longer leave his mouth. He was ripped up inside badly, but he kept pulling, he kept tearing. He put on a front normally. Tried to make it all seem okay. Make a joke of things.. hide his feelings.. But sometimes... he cracked. And he was cracking.. He was going to crack very soon, he could feel it.
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Post by Prof Grace Marks on Jul 12, 2006 22:22:56 GMT
Grace sniffed and knew how difficult for him. She whispered in his ear, "it's alright, just take you're time." She was getting her energy back and he confidence. He wasn't going to let her go, she could feel that, and she didn't want him to.
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Post by Keifer Brently on Jul 12, 2006 22:32:59 GMT
"My past..." he started. It hurt to tal about it, everything that had happened, he hoped he'd wake up and it all be a bad dream. "My mother and father split up when i was a child... Father earned the most money so incidentally... He got custody of me and Kaydeane" he tried to say. But his breath was coming in short sharp gasps. "Kaydeane was my world. She's my little sister. My father had always taught me how to be... How he wanted me to be... A clone of him..." He told her "He said to me 'Everyone deserves their place.' But he only meant people who shared the same ideals as he does. I was a clone for him to melt and shape the way he wanted. I was a mirror image of him. I was respectable... I wasnt gay... i wasnt anything. I was an empty shell... Unhappy and trying to make the best" He kept hold of her "We were a normal family till tanya came along. She's my fathers new fancy piece. Things began to go from bad to worse" His breathing was becomeing faster "I met changed into an emo... that was the first step of my decline. Then i met Jessie... And for once... I was happy. I knew my father wouldnt be.. He was homophobic so i left. Iwent to live with mother, Jessie followed me and stuck by me like a partner should. Father came knocking at mothers door and accused her of kidnap. I told him everything, how unhappy i was. How i didnt want to be a clone anymore... I told him i was gay... Jessie was my boyfriend... He flipped. Called me a discusting beast. Said i was an infection. Everything i touched turned to crap." He began to slow down, his breathing still wasnt good though "He told me... he said... 'I dont want you anywhere near Kaydeane. I dont want you rubbing your infectious disease onto her... I never saw her again... That was when i was 12" He hadnt finished... But that was all he could say right now. His words... were cut short in his mouth again.
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Post by Prof Grace Marks on Jul 12, 2006 22:39:36 GMT
Grace squeezed Keifer reassuringly and pulled her head back to try look him in the eyes. "Go on," she said tying to keep herself from bursting into tears all over again.
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Post by Keifer Brently on Jul 12, 2006 22:50:38 GMT
"Me and Jessie were together for two years... I really believed i loved him..." He said remembering everything "I... was really stupid... i went out and got drunk... really drunk... i woke up the next morning, not knowing where i was... I was asleep next to someone else... some guy i didnt even know. I had no reccolection of the night before but it didnt take a genious to work out what happened. I went straight round to Jessie's and told him. He said he forgave me... But he hadnt. Kai... My best friend... was with us one night and i went home... The next day i recieved a letter. It was off Jessie. He had left me for Kai... I couldnt help but hate him. I had told him everything and knew it was my own fault. But he said he forgave me, said he still loved me... We could have worked it out... But he left... the reason i couldnt was because it was my best mate he left me for" he said "Thats my past... or most of it"
He let go of Grace and sat back on the wall. He hung his head "I came here... Met so many people, began my life again. Tried to convince myself i wasnt gay... I tried so hard... I tried to change myself... but i couldnt... He came back..." Keifer looked at the floor "Thats when things got tough... I began to get confused and i was soon up to my old tricks. I was loosing myself in all my confusion. Then i met you... everything started to fall back into place... Everything was right." He looked at her "I thought i'd fell for you... i realised it was only strong friendship i felt... but your the closest person to my heart now... Things were back to how they were... untill i started to get confused again... I was lashing at everyone... I lashed at Jessie... i told him i hate him and i dont want to know him. I said i'd stay away from him and L.C because im messing them up. I snapped at you... said things that was ot of order.... Im sorry..." He looked up at her "Im loosing myself... im cracking... i cant... Im... scared... How am i supposed to not mess people up if im messed up myself? Im slipping... ive lost sight of who i was... i dont know who i am anymore" he told her... he hadnt told her what he wanted to yet... But for now.. this was all he was going to say. His fathers words came into his head One of the hardest people to know... is yourself.
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Post by Prof Grace Marks on Jul 12, 2006 23:13:41 GMT
Grace held him tight but then he pulled away from her, depriving her of his warmth. She was cold, she was always cold and she knew why. As he spoke she could fell her insides cringe and twist and all she wanted to do and all she wanted to be was in his arms again. But she knew she couldn't, she knew it was not the place for her.
She listened to his words... 'cracking', 'slipping' words she knew all too well. She leaned against the wall next to Keifer when he had finished talking and looked at the floor. She took a deep breath and turned to him. "I-" she began, "I don't quite know how to say this, so I'm ju- just going to." She better do it fast before she lost her nerve. "I- I am trapped in a broken body." she knew it would not make sense to him but it was the only way she had ever known it.
"My body is ..." she searched the sky for the word, "unresponsive. When I want to jump for joy, all my body lets me do is stand like a statue. When I want to run away, all my body can do is collapse into a ball. My mind tells my heart to beat faster because I have realized I have found someone to love and all my body does is go into it's comatose state and do nothing." She looked back to Keifer.
"I-" she sobbed "-I can't look at you strat like-" she began to cry, tears staining her cheeks "-like i wo-would like to. I-I wa-want to be str-strong, Keifer, be strong f-for you bu-but all I can do is cry. Like the weak daughter of a bas- drunk tha-that I am." She gasped a few breaths and looked away, "I-I'm so-sorry I can-can't sto-stop cr-crying Kei-" she mouth had dried out and her throat was hoasre. She could not say another word. She buried her face in her hands and shook uncontrollably.
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Post by mistressofdarkness on Jul 13, 2006 0:05:52 GMT
Keifer felt a tear fall from his eyes. He had come so close to losing his closest friend. He hugged her tight. "...It was my fault..." he said. "Theres things i want to tell you... things i need to say... i just cant find the words" he told her. He kept hold of her, not wanting to let go. Grace was his dearest friend, the one closest to his heart. ((hey! i thought your Angel was closest...  -cries-)) |
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-cries-))