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Post by Prof. Eithne l'Keitha on Dec 23, 2006 5:34:15 GMT
Prof. l'Keitha lazily dropped a piece of doxy flesh into the waiting jaws of her pet Dionaeatron muscipulamenagon, a distant magical cousin of the venus fly-trap. It snapped it's jaw closed like a bear trap. In fact, it was a bear trap. l'Keitha sighed.
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Post by Cashew Dumbledorable on Dec 23, 2006 5:42:36 GMT
Though it was doubtful that anyone would have missed her (the famed hogwarts healer having been voted most radiant and glowing by a large constituency of peasants who resided in the area just outside of hogsmeade) Cashew had remained unnoticed and unappreciated in the corner of the professor's office. Without warning she exclaimed suddenly "Your hair has excellent volume. Hello!"
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Post by Prof. Eithne l'Keitha on Dec 23, 2006 5:51:21 GMT
The professor looked up, shocked and surprised by Cashew's entrance and exquisite beauty. "Why thank you! I use Plimpy oil once in a while," she beamed, running her fingers through the gleaming raven strands of her hair. Waving her wand, she tipped her teapot over and poured two cups of english earl. Her pet plant purred with satisfaction as it slurped up the last bit of Doxy into its pink mouth.
"What brings you here, Cashew? I must say, your complexion is impeccable! How can you keep cool in the summer heat, considering no sweat could possibly pass through such pourless skin!"
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Post by Cashew Dumbledorable on Dec 23, 2006 6:02:25 GMT
"Oh thank you!" A great wave of lilac colored flower petals drifted down from beneath Cashew's many layered skirts as she spoke. "I sometimes am very kind to servants and they lend me their strength and durability." Cashew raised a single, flawless hand to her full and philanthropic heart and flipped her hair in great absent-minded reverie. Little did she know that food had begun to fall from the sky several kilometers away, much to the surprise and great joy of several starving orphans. This was all her fault. "I am a great fan of transfiguration and understand that you are more than proficient. I thought perhaps we might conjure together or possibly brunch!" The healer raised her cup merrily and sipped.
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Post by Prof. Eithne l'Keitha on Dec 23, 2006 6:11:18 GMT
"A novel idea, love!" the professor replied. "What are you in the mood for? I was thinking some fine cheeses and pate to start us off - a word of advice: I'd stay away from the camembert if I were you!"
Twirling her wand in a tiny circular motion, l'Keitha began to transfigure the baubles on her desk into a bowl of rich pate and a platter of assorted cheeses. "Please, feel free to conjure! Now, if only someone would join this little brunch party of ours..."
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Post by spaghetti231 on Dec 23, 2006 7:53:31 GMT
Zerrubabel was enthralled by this scent. He couldn't tell if it was the smell of the tea that the ships he preyed on usually carried, or maybe it was the smell of fear? The two were usually indistinguishable, he thought to himself. He turned a corner and found an open door where the smell was coming from. It was probably tea.
Zerrubabel gave a slight knock at the door and entered to see his herbology professor, who happened to have hair of excellent volume, and a very radiant individual who appeared to be some sort of healer.
"I'm sorry to interrupt" stated Zerrubabel, "but i could smell your English earl from a league away. By the way, i am sorry about that unfortunate turn of events during class. I can't say i expected that to happen, it being dirt and all." finished Zerrubabel. He added a very elaborate bow for an extra flair. He really wanted that tea.
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Post by Cashew Dumbledorable on Dec 23, 2006 18:43:34 GMT
"Hello young man. I am Cashew Dumbledorable, Hogwarts Healer and destroyer of great evil. I never mind a compliment such as yours as I am often complimented on my scent." Cashew's laugh sounds like small gold bells tinkling and maybe doves being set free. In timely response, a sizeable toadstool emerges from between cracks in the floorboards, providing a inviting seat for the would-be pirate. Turning back to l'Keitha, she continues, "I too will transfigure a companion. This is my latest and most special potion!" And with that, the healer retrieves the glowing vial from her slim and graceful pocketbook (purchased at very great expense by a prime minister who hoped to see the young nurse marry his docile but politically promising son) and tosses it excitedly at the wooden face of a nearby work bench. Then with a great shivering, the poorly hewn piece of furniture began to swell, rising up to form a small bear complete with delicate red cap perched on its soft, furry crown.
"I am Bijou the Christmas Bear," he declares, voice forlorn but melodious. Turning first to lĀfKeitha, then Zerrubabel and the beaming Dumbledorable, the little bear bowed ceremoniously. "It is my best talent and great honor to discuss the nature of love and thrift, as well as its many virtues. For instance--- Eeek!" And he gave a sudden yelp as the herbology professor's prized and handsome bear trap flower leaned forward to devour him, Bijou the Christmas Bear.
Though horrified, truthfully, Cashew was not at all surprised.
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Post by oneeyedbattleowl on Dec 23, 2006 23:44:23 GMT
Hawkeye lazily flew by, uninterested in matters of tea.
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Post by Prof. Eithne l'Keitha on Dec 23, 2006 23:45:14 GMT
"Ugh!" Professor l'Keitha exclaimed indignantly. "Dionaeatron has already fed today! If he becomes too plump, I cannot enter him in the Carnivorous Plantlife Pageant!" She threw down her napkin and tried to wrestle Bijou out of its jaws, but quickly gave up for bear traps have a tendency to be very obstinate. With a sigh she spooned some more sugar into her tea, "So unfortunately, Cashew, I'm so sorry..."
Bijou wriggled from inside Dionaeatron, a large bear-shaped lump in the plant's stem. "Zerrubabel, do you take sugar or honey?" she asked, absentmindedly spreading more pate onto a cracker with a mother-of-pearl knife. "And don't worry about class. Herbology is a very hands on subject, and I'm glad to have such an actively curious student in my class!"
A low rumbling unfurled from the plant and suddenly it's wide fleshy jaws belched, and Bijou came rolling out in fetal position, covered in slime and bits of doxy fur. l'Keitha looked at Cashew.
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Post by spaghetti231 on Dec 26, 2006 20:11:52 GMT
"Actually, on second thought, im not in the mood for tea or anything else. I think I will just sit in this chair well secluded from the jaws of death and contemplate my life choices." said Zerrubabel, secretly planning to kill this vicious beast when he got the chance. Right then and there he took an oath, in front of God and the bear that was just thrown up, that he would not rest until the blood, or um... food vacuoles, of this plant adorned his sword. By will or wand or unstoppable force, he will add this beast to his black list. Which was already quite considerable to be quite honest. He had the eye of the tiger.
"So, if might be so bold, what does our next lesson entail?" asked Zerrubabel, a curious glint in his eye.
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Post by Prof. Eithne l'Keitha on Dec 27, 2006 6:52:56 GMT
"I'm not quite sure yet... to be honest, I don't know if I'm cut out for teaching. After all, those who can't do - teach," l'Keitha shrugged, sipping her tea. Bijou groaned and pawed at the viscous remnants of the plant's digestive juices on his fur. "I just can't seem to get students interested! Perhaps it's the subject matter. I was thinking about bringing Dionaeatron to the first class, but figured he had enough feedings for the month. An unfortunate matchstick girl fell into our path when I was sunning it in the park a few weeks back. Dreadful mess..."
Dionaeatron purred again, opening and shutting it's jaws as Bijou retreated behind Cashew's vast and flowing skirts, like a little bird finding refuge in the palm of God's hands. As if on cue, the plant spat up an oxford shoe, coincidentally sized perfectly for a little girl, and settled itself in a sunny spot on the window sill.
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